Apparently Real Headlines of 2005

So, some of these are pretty odd. You wonder what newspaper editors are thinking sometimes. Enjoy.

Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?

Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that’s taking things a bit far]!

Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!

Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin’ lazy so-and-sos]!

Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]!

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think]?

Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thunk it]!

Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there’s something stronger than duct tape]?

Man Struck By Lightning
Faces BatteryCharge
[he probably IS the battery charge]!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren’t they fat enough]?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That’s what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead