Author: John

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and these are meant to be funny. I recommend not trying any of them, but if you do and get hurt it’s not my fault.
  1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
  2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
  3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
  4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
  5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
  7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
  8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember

  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
  • If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
  • And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Revisiting Windows Live Mail

Almost 20 days ago I wrote about Windows Live, including Windows Live Mail. After twenty days of using Windows Live Messenger and Windows Live Mail betas I am back to say a little more – especially about mail.

Windows Live Messenger is actually growing on me. I like it more and more. My favourite new feature is the ability to send offline messages, (although Microsoft is a little slow on offering this feature, ICQ had it in 1996). It’s something that’s really been missing from MSN Messenger. Other than that, no new opinions.

As for Windows Live Mail, the opposite is happening. I am liking it less and less. I am finding it incredibly slow. On March 4 I said it was faster than the old Hotmail but this is no longer the case. Maybe it’s not actually Windows Live Mail though, maybe it’s because I have to switch to IE to see my mail, or maybe it’s because more people are using Windows Live. Either way it has to speed up.
This brings me to my other point. Twenty days later and still no sign of Firefox support! Sometime soon I’d like to not have to have another browser open just to check my E-mail.

The third and final point after Twenty days of use: The advertising space at the top of the page is too big. I know that they have to make money on this product, and that it’s probably the same size as it was in Hotmail, but it seems too big. I think we notice the lack of space because of the addition of the preview pane, (which is great!), and because of the lack of speed. If messages loaded quickly in the preview pane it wouldn’t be a big deal, but when we have to wait forever to scroll it’s another story.
All in all, Windows Live Mail still has great features and shows tons of promise, but the speed needs to pick up and I need to be able to use it in browsers other than Internet Explorer. I’ll continue using Windows Live Mail through the beta period, (now I’m in it’s kind of my duty), and once it’s complete we’ll see what I want to do.

Fun with Google

So another one of those odd Google search results was brought to my attention. Try googling the word failure. The results are pretty funny for those of a certain political position.

As for the good old searches on Google? It looks like the “weapons of mass destruction” search doesn’t work any more, but French military victories does.

A hint: All of these are much more exciting with the “I’m feeling lucky” button. Go ahead, try them out!

Academy Awards – the real scoop

The Academy Awards have just wrapped up and here is what happened by my count:

  • Five mothers were thanked
  • The Academy was only thanked five times, (I thought everyone would do this)
  • A couple of people kissed their presenter
  • the word “crash” was said thirteen times
  • AND the word “brokeback” was said seventeen times
  • The show was thirty minutes longer than my TV guide webside said it would.

I counted as best I could – the show was kind of long. Correct me if you think I missed anything.