Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and these are meant to be funny. I recommend not trying any of them, but if you do and get hurt it’s not my fault.
- If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
- Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
- Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
- Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
- If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
- And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.